Challenged with Lately

This post is being delayed for the time being, to be revisited at a later date, hopefully sooner than later.
Ok so after a nights sleep I feel slightly better to write at least it will be slightly more coherent.

-John the Baptist doubted? I probably knew this before today aka I have read the story before but it never really processed like it did yesterday. John the Baptist someone who knew from in the womb that Jesus was the Messiah (see Luke 1:5-25, & 39-45). God's hand had been on his life from before he was born in the most seemingly visible way that I've ever really realized. I would love to know my purpose in life like he had, that he was to prepare the way for the Chosen One! I never felt a true connection to John before now, I mean he knew Jesus, he was cousins with Him for goodness sake. He always appeared in my mind to have it altogether being perfect almost probably closest in mind to Jesus. The pastor at my parents church said this statement and it made me wonder and want to look it up. Here are the places you kind find John the Baptist:
John's birth: Luke 1
John preparing the way: Matthew 3 _Mark 1_Luke 3_John1, 3
John doubts: Matt. 11_Luke7
John's death: Matt. 14_Mark 6
So doubt is a strong word and maybe it wasn't the same kind of doubt that I've felt in my life before as much as John questioning God. John knew his purpose and was acting on it yet when Jesus, the one he was preparing the way for came along things didn't go exactly as he thought. I don't know John's exact thoughts and ideas as for how the Messiah would come but I have to think that he believed Christ would come in and take over ruling Israel in a very real tangible sense, that he'd be king and Rome would no longer control Israel. John essentially asks Jesus: Are you really the one I prepared the way for? Jesus answers John with Look at what I am doing. The rest of John's story concludes with his being put in prison and then beheaded b/c of what he believed. What an amazing man.
Back to my connection with John: I recently have had God take my plans and throw them in a shredder of sorts. I had (key word I) come up with this grand plan of how I was going to finish out my college career to me it seemed absolutely perfect and flawless, I was gonna have enough money to pay for classes and even to study abroad one semester. As I stated before this has all been tossed to the wind, it's extremely frustrating on oh so many levels. It has put me taking classes this summer, and left me unsure to the extent of whether I will be taking classes in the fall or not. It has once again put me back to not knowing exactly when I'll graduate. I'm a 4th year college student who has worked 5 semesters off and on to pay for school while a lot of my friends graduated a couple weeks ago or will graduate by the end of this year and all I can say when people ask(which happens alot, especially when you reach my age): so you're about done right/when do you graduate? I don't know. I love to know things, I love to at least have a glimpse of what a movie is about before I see it, what the plans are for a trip, I like to be prepared. To some extent I had been in the I don't know space before these past couple months but I had a very rough idea and had come to accept that and be content with that. Now I don't really have even a rough idea, which is extremely disconcerting. I feel like John asking God "But I thought this is how you wanted it to play out" God has been answering me with a lot of encouragement which I'm very grateful for. However, as one who is far from perfect still wonder and ask why sometimes.
Enough of this though: I want to give testament to how God who loves me has encouraged me. Back up to 2 weeks ago, work has been extremely slow and the BCM has a yearly trip to Panama City Beach for a planning retreat. God allowed me to go on the retreat b/c what is not great work=slow. So +1 for God, turning something bad into good, he does this alot and it confuses me like crazy! Next I was mainly looking at the trip as my only vacation for the Summer, since I'll be taking classes and they start tomorrow, with no real expectations about anything else. I didn't really hope to get alot out of it. As the week started it was what I had expected fun and relaxing but beyond that nothing spectacular. Then the night before we're supposed to leave (why does God always show up this night?) at the very end of everything we went out to the beach to pray for each other. First off the guys (about 34) of them went and prayed for the girls(approx. 11, yay Tech ratio) then the girls prayed for the guys. This experience was extremely humbling and overwhelming for me. I had a couple very good friends pray out loud for me, and I have alot of respect for them, I look up to these guys. Their prayers were so encouraging and challenging, I wish I had a tape recorder so I could replay it everytime I get discouraged about whether God is using me. After we had finished praying, we were free to do whatever, hang out, go back and sleep, anything, I chose to sit at the edge of everyone and try to process it all. I was so so overwhelmed it by far will be one of my greatest memories. I've set it up as a marker of sorts in my life to remind me where I've been and most importantly of what God has done! The night did not end there for me at least, God continued to provide encouragement and challenges through some really great conversations with friends. From a deep heart-felt Thank you, to a talk with a young Lady that has come to me for advice, I have no earthly idea why, to sitting on the beach being immersed in the enormity of it all yet not having to sit alone. I'm so Thankful for the encouragement and love God has shown to me through friends. I love that he has given me friends that will sit with me as I simply don't know what to do and process everything. So as frustrated as I may get with my plans being tossed away I will look back and say My God is amazing and has better things planned for me. My plans will only ever be as good as I can make them. God's plans are so unfathomable and so much more than my finite brain can understand that I will gladly take those though I may not understand them.

I believe I shall stop there for now though there is more to discuss about what God has brought to mind in just yesterday!
- PS One of my dear friends has started a new project check it out let it challenge you: http://4ddays.blogspot.com/